Things that make me smile and don't render me a snivelly mess ...

..... 'cos, you know, lots of stuff does make me a snivelly mess at the mo, so anything that makes me go 'oooh, pretty' or 'oooh, shiny' can only be a good thing! Clearly anyone that knows me knows that Zinfandel Rose tops my list of 'items that can be depended upon to turn Ruth's frown upside down'. I'm the first to admit that I may have a slight dependency issue when it comes to the old Zinfandel, I feel I owe it a debt of gratitude, after all, we almost gave our 'surprise!' baby Leni-lu the middle name Zinfandel in honour of it's part in her creation ... so, clearly Zinfandel makes my list of things that make me smile this week. Good work old friend.

Next up in my 'smile-a-thon' is this;

an amazing piece of art work that I commissioned from my old friend Sandie (view her blog at http://sandiegardinerartandillustration.co.uk/website/Blog/Entries/2012/1/9_VIP.html ) I wanted something personal and lovely for my God daughter's christening present. She and Leni are a tag team of chaos and carnage, we nicknamed them Idi and Lenin when they were babies, and they're a formidable team that make us laugh and pull our hair out in equal measure - being 18 months, their grasp of sharing is sketchy to say the least and they can be hilariously screechy to each other! It's got elements of Edie's Mum and I's friendship all over it - the teapot Sandie included in the piece is my leaky old Emma Bridgewater teapot that we've put the world to rights round too many times to count,  old NZ stamps, the girl's names and Summer 2010 which was our golden time as I recall, both girls were tiny babies, we were on maternity leave, lots of long lazy mornings with cups of tea whilst we breastfed the girls and ate good cake ... happy days of coven meetings. Anyway, I had 2 canvasses made of the print and gave one to Edie and one is currently somewhere on the sea sailing it's way to our new life in the Southern Hemisphere (or it may be the Northern hemisphere, to be fair I can never remember which is which) 

And now, the moment everyone's been waiting for, the answer to the 'what the feckity feck is Ruth going to do without EBay?' question. I'll tell you what shall I? That's right www.trademe.co.nz that's what. A-mazing. I've already sucked Kris into my way of thinking and the boys now have bikes and scooters waiting for them in NZ, Leni has a travel cot and a high chair and I'm under strict orders NOT TO SCOUT IT OUT AGAIN as Kris (apparently) has better things to do with his time than drive round picking up my Trademe bargains. Spoilsport. It's still making my 'smile'list mind!!

Nextly, and maybe most shallow-ly, comes Chanel's Paradoxal nail varnish. It rocks my world right now, especially when covered with a layer of OPI silver shatter varnish. It's the most expensive way of making it look like you've trapped your fingers in a car door ever. Fact. Being back at Mum's means I have access to a nail varnish collection that rivals most supermodel's. 

So, lastly, my Rieker boots. I never thought I'd veer away from my beloved UGGS but *whispers lest her old faithfuls should hear her* these boots make my life better, so much better. They are warm, and chunky, and keep my feet warm and dry *swoon* sorry UGGS, I still love you but these boots look less like a baked potato than you do and have a certain German cool-ness ( I hate to buy into cultural stereotypes but they're pretty solid, functional boots that would probably walk the black forest for years before giving you a blister)  that you're missing. 

Here endeth this week's love list!

And now, the end is near and so I face the final curtain ....

Which actually sounds like I'm about to leave my mortal coil, which is wrong, maybe I should have gone for something slightly less, I dunno, maudlin as my title? Anyway, however sad the lyrics, I've always loved Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' after a booze fuelled college trip to Spain when I was 17, during which myself and 5 friends (one of whom is now top chef and all round good guy Tom Kerridge) got absolutely rat arsed after a trip to Rioja and ended up singing this, at the top of our voices, whilst walking across a sleepy Spanish town square. Bet they loved us. Anyway, fond memories (not of the rioja though, I'm still not able to drink red wine since that very night. Work of the devil. That and Southern Comfort. Bleuughh,  they're like my version of Superman's kryptonite!) Anyway, here I am, ensconced at my Mum's house, with 3 small children,, whilst husband has landed and started the process of getting settled in New Zealand. I know right? When did it all go from 'are we doing the right thing' to 'the real estate guy wants $1500 up front to secure our rental house' .... scary, scary times!

We bid a hideously sad farewell to our little house and all our belongings. Truth be told it was horrendous, absolutely horrendous. I spent the best part of the time between Christmas and New Year in tears, there were boxes everywhere, no sign of me and the children's visas, imminent departure of husband to contend with and saying farewell to our family home. It all got a bit much. Factor in that we had Christmas with 3 small children (and 4 different days with grandparents - the joys of having divorced parents), Mum in law's wedding and my God daughter's christening so emotional 'this will be the last time we do x,y and z' thoughts abounding for everyone - it all made for a tired and tearful family Tovey.

Thankfully things have improved, once the house contents were packed up and gone the process of trying to see our house as 'just a house', as opposed to 'home', was easier. I've managed to emotionally detach from it since all sign of us and the children was removed, though I still get a pang when I walk in to pick up post/switch on the heating and expect to see our things and hear the children bombing round. I also find myself going up and sitting in Leni's old room, which was always the nursery, and trying to capture and hold on to the memories of decorating it for J's arrival, then Ol's and finally Len's. Each nail and screw in the wall takes me back to putting up pictures and shelves for each of them and I will admit I can get quite tearful. I have to remind myself that I actually still have the kids, and how much K and I actually hated DIY and therefore each screw and nail also has an attached memory of he and I bitching at each other! Generally as I accused him of not putting shelves up straight or him accusing me (rightly!) of using blu tac and doing a botch job of putting the bunting up etc Happy days .... hmm, not all the time now I come to think of it! Still, this beautiful old house has seen every major event in our lives for the last 7 years, and they're the biggies, children, getting married etc so it will always hold a special place in my heart. The friends and neighbours we have here are the biggest wrench. We genuinely have some of our closest friends living 2 doors down and 7 doors up and that will be impossible to replace.

I'm dreading the day I close the door of that house for the last time, I know it will be hard, but even now, I still know 100% that what we're doing is the right thing for us. I hope that sustains me in the coming 2.5 weeks because the goodbyes are gong to be a killer. I need to keep focused on the end result - 3 children, living slightly feral by the beach, surrounded by some of the spectacular scenery anywhere in the world. I need to close my eyes and remember the picture on our fridge that started all this .... mountains, clear skies, vast open spaces and the need to give the children an opportunity that we didn't want to pass them by. Deep breaths as I face my own personal 'final curtain' ,saying goodbye to my amazing family and friends. Come on Frank, do your stuff, let's give 'em a rousing chorus ....