I've been pretty homesick in the last couple of weeks, it hit one Friday and didn't shift for a few days and I've then had the odd day here or there where it's descended on me without warning. What I have learnt is that there's no point fighting it, no amount of internal pep talks or being all Pollyanna about it will help - when the homesickness hits, the only way to deal with it is to talk it through and let it wash over you (preferably at the same time as a glass of wine washes over you - alchohol may not be the answer but after a glass or two of wine, who gives a toss about the question!) I'm lucky that I live where I do, there's a huge Pom ex-pat community here so every 2nd person will have been through what I'm going through, which makes it easier to talk to people about. I'm also lucky enough to have friends here that I can text when it's all a bit bleuuggh and say 'you know what I should be cleaning/tidying today but can we bin that off and have coffee instead' (I'm very lucky that I have chosen friends who regard housework with enough loathing that they'll drop their plans for bleaching the loo to come and eat cake with me too!) I sent one text last Wednesday, to a friend from school (as in 'one of Jakob's school friend's Mum', not as in 'I went to school with her') asking how she'd dealt with the homesickness (they've been here 5 years, originally from 'oop North, UK) within a few minutes not only had she replied with an amazing amount of good advice/her own experiences but, I later found out, had then texted 3 other mutual friends to tell them I was homesick and they then all rallied round. It was kind of a defining moment and one which truly showed me that I *do* have friends here, and that though my default setting is 'internalise and try and deal with things alone', admitting that I'm sad every so often isn't wrong and it certainly doesn't mean I'll be on the next flight back to the UK, it just means I'm still adjusting to life here. The upshot of it all is that I spent a happy Friday afternoon with some friends, drinking wine, watching the kids play together and generally feeling a lot more me like than I had at the beginning of the week.
I think the problem with homesickness is that it hits when you least expect it, I'd managed nearly 6 months without finding it too hard being so far from home.I think that emigrating is always harder for the people you leave behind to start with. When we landed here we were too busy getting a life (literally - house/phones/school/car etc) to give much thought to how much we missed home. Everyone we left behind was having to get used to us not being where we should be. Over here we were in holiday mode, in a rental house by the sea, enjoying the local wine and generally discovering all the cool stuff about Hawkes Bay. Then we moved, the kids were settled in school/kindy and then it all became 'real life' and we had time to process the move we'd made. That seems to be the point at which everyone at home has got used to you not being there and other people, entirely naturally, slip in to the space you've left and life moves on for everyone. That's when it hit me, we're here, they're there and there's a frickin' massive expanse of planet between us.
So, this was my first blip in an otherwise amazing adventure.I'm not going to dress it up, without the friends I've made here I'd probably have taken to my bed in a darkened room and tried to sleep through the heart wrenching feeling of being so far from home BUT I didn't, I went out, I saw friends and I talked about it and it really helped. What have I learnt? That homesickness is a bitch, a big tear inducing bitch who hides round corners and happy slaps you when you least expect her. I've learnt that people come though for you if you give them a chance and admit you're struggling, I've also learnt that however hard it's been the last couple of weeks, a lot of good's come out of it. I realise that I'm part of a nice circle of people here, which isn't a place I thought I'd get to here in NZ, I probably kept people at arm's reach because, hey, I'm 38, I'm not good at making new friends (which reminds me of a card my Mum sent me once, which stated on the front 'does not mix well with others' with a picture of pouting stroppy child on the front!) Last thing I've learnt? That you can be homesick *and* happy, and that's the most important lesson of all.
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