I write better than I talk, I always have done, even as a little girl I'd write reams and reams of very-important-things-about-my-life. It's a blessing because I get to scribble my thoughts down and then revisit them (sometimes whilst cringing at my angst at the time) years later, but it's a also a curse in that there are things I'd love to say to people but can never find the words to speak them. I was reading back through a note I wrote when I'd just had Ol and it still makes me misty eyed;
Jakob - came out a ball of fury & doing things his way or no way, had reflux, never ever ever slept, crawled at 4.5 months, walked at 8.5 months, always on the move, fearless, stubborn, independent, loyal, passionate about the things he loves (he could name all of Thomas' side kicks at 12 months and would recite Slinky Malinki word for word not long after that) He's always reserved his smiles and cuddles for a select few and is never won over by fake charm from anyone! His eyes flash dangerously when he's angry or upset but seem to be made of liquid chocolate when he's sad. He makes us laugh like no-one else can and has a wicked sense of humour. He's like quicksilver though, he can be laughing one minute and furious the next.
J's my high maintenance boy and I love him passionately whilst always knowing that he walks his own path and always will. I think I'm just his caretaker until he's old enough to take off on his solo adventures! He'll either be prime minister or in borstal by the time he's 20!!
Oliver - arrived quickly and easily, sleeps like a dream, eats anything we give him (and steals things we don't!) Placid & easy going, he's happy to lie and let the world come to him, has a slow easy smile he bestows on anyone and everyone, loves cuddles, drinks in what his older brother does with a knowing look and a slight air if 'what on earth are you doing?' about him, he's strong but not desperate to move, he can wobble back and forth in an attempt to crawl but is already 2.5 months behind Jakob when it comes to actually moving! He never cries unless he's hungry or hurting.
He'll be my strong silent boy - taking it all in ready to make anything better with a cuddle and beautiful smile. His eyes are like marbles and are grey one day and brown the next, they change like those weird mood rings you used to get! He's a sweetheart.
I love them both equally and I'm glad they're so different!
Wow, what a difference 4 years makes, and how wrong can a parent be? Ol is certainly not my strong silent boy! He is, by all accounts, a whirling ball of complete lunacy. He's devilishly handsome and works a room to his advantage, he's selfish and stubborn and strong willed and I crack far more often than he does. He will either be an international playboy, he does so love nice food and being the centre of attention or a builder, he likes bashing things with other things and taking things apart! He's just started school and part of me knows he's ready (socially anywhow) the other part of me feels a bit tight chested that my just-4 year old is in a class with children who are just-5. I want to cuddle him and tell him he doesn't have to be the loudest, bumpiest in the class to make his mark and be noticed, he just needs to be him, because that's enough, he's wonderful. He's a beautiful soul, inside and out, and he doesn't need to try so hard to impress the bigger boys.
As for J? He's still my warrior, my little pace setter, the boy who leads the way, but he's also a thinker and a muller-over-of-things. He's so clever it makes my heart almost burst with pride. This morning he was ansty because he thought he'd be late for school, and therefore his maths lesson (this is surely no child of mine? I failed GCSE maths no less than 3 times!) He reads voraciously (that one does come from me - maternal 'looking for things that I have passed onto my children' satisfied there) He writes lists and lists of things and stuns me with his appetite for knowledge and facts and whys and whens and hows. He's also a comedian, he comes out with the most wickedly funny one liners and observations. He and Kris have started a book about the move to NZ, every night before bed J writes down questions about NZ and then Kris writes the answers in and they talk about it the next morning. Kris has also started adding pictures (of Lake Taupo, the sky tower, a mountain range and a marlin) Last night's entry by Jakob, underneath the picture of the mountain range simply said 'this is not a question Daddy, this (arrow to the picture) is beautiful'.
And then there's Leni-lou. What can I say about Leni-lou? I hesitate to use the expression of 'little Princess' but that's exactly what she is. Her brothers adore her, and she adores them, though there are moments when she'll be squealing at them and they'll be yelling at me to get her away from the lego/pencils/gogos they're playing with, and at those moments you'd be hard pushed to feel the love in the room! As is her genetic predisposition, she's stubborn, determined and forthright. Even my lovely Mum (who, don't forget, has raised me and my siblings - a trio of stubborn, noisy, self righteous beings if ever there was one) has had to admit that Elena brings with her a special kind of determined. She is very sweet though, and though I know all parents think their children are beautiful (as they should) she is particularly delicious. She's not classically pretty or especially 'bonny baby competition' but she's sparky and fiery and gorgeous and interesting to look at. I can spend hours wtaching her little head bent over some task, taking in her little curls, feline eyes and chubby cheeks. My friend Suz once gave me a badge after she visited the RSC, which took pride of place on Leni's change bag for a while, it said 'though she may be but little, she be fierce' .... I like to think William Shakespeare had a premonition of a sparky little girl called Elena when he wrote that, because never a truer word has been spoken about anyone!
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